“God is Good,” I said after the Ultrasound Physician informed me that they could not find the heartbeat of the baby. They also had just told me that the baby was much smaller than the 10 – 12 weeks gestation that I was supposed to be at.
However, the truth of my heart would be revealed a week later when the baby passed. I then had a moment (the moment lasting a few weeks) in which I was not so sure that God was actually good. I was hurt, angry and felt like I had failed – or He had failed me
A little seed of bitterness would take root and it would be the mercy of the Lord to remove it as the weeks passed by. Instead of focusing on what was lost (although I did take appropriate time to grieve), the Lord revealed to me his mercies during the time of the pregnancy and subsequent loss.
It was God’s mercy to provide people grateful to help.
I had been sick, very sick for most of the pregnancy. I learned that people want to give and serve when given the opportunity. Many people helped me during this time. Some provided emotional support, some brought meals, some helped with housekeeping, and some provided a little childcare relief – I have three living children that still needed my care during this time. I was very grateful that people gave up their time to help our family. I was convicted that after this, that I wanted to be more purposeful about helping others in my community.
It was God’s mercy to teach me that we are created to serve others, not self.
I also learned that my children could do more than I allowed them to do – and it was good for them. My eldest daughter, all of seven years of age, was able to make breakfasts many mornings, heat up some lunches in the afternoon, do some laundry and dishes, and clean up the kitchen after meals. My five year old could be my “gopher,” getting whatever was needed, help pick up after her younger sister, and help with cleaning the kitchen and putting away laundry. Even my three year old helped to set the table and go get things for mom.
The girls thrived in their productiveness. They still had play time and sometimes, we would just watch videos, so life wasn’t just work. But they seemed to take pride in their usefulness. They found joy, grace, strength and maturity in the help they provided to the family.
It was God’s mercy to provide productive outlets for the children.
In the end, I was able to rejoice in the blessings, see the layers of God’s mercy surpass the suffering, and I can say – “God is Good!”